


I Ask Myself What Am I Doing Here?

by Typhoon_56



Category: Firebringer - Team StarKid, StarKid Productions RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Drinking, F/F, First Kiss, Party, kinda enemies to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 14:29:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19297645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Typhoon_56/pseuds/Typhoon_56
Summary: Zazzalil gatecrashes a party that she doesn't really want to be at.And things only goes downhill from there.





	1. Who Needs an Invitation?

**Author's Note:**

> Title is an Alessia Cara lyric. 
> 
> Just as a warning, this fic deals with anxiety and a panic attack so if that triggers you then you don't have to read any further. I will say though that it isn't too extreme so it should be alright. 
> 
> Anyway hope y'all enjoy :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zazzalil and Keeri sneak into a party. Can they avoid getting caught?

A gentle autumn breeze blew through the suburban street as the pumping music blared out of the house. 

'I can't believe I let you drag me to this dump.' Zazzalil complained as she peered up at the house before her. 

It was a large, well-kept house that was in a nice neighbourhood and it was picturesque to say the least. It even had the white picket fence that everybody dreams about. 

It was due to the grandeur of the place that made the blaring music seem almost out of place. 

Keeri couldn't hold back the smirk at her best friend, 'You're just pissed you didn't get an invite in the first place.'

'Neither did you.' Zazzalil retorted, smugly. 

Keeri could only roll her eyes in response. 

'Why does Jemilla hate you again?' 

Zazzalil thought for a moment before shrugging and exhaling loudly in exasperation, 'Fuck knows. She just does.'

'Which is why we've got to sneak in.'

'And how are we going to do that? There's people everywhere.' Zazzalil exclaimed as she glanced at a group of people that were gathered on the porch steps by the front door. 

Judging from the amount of discarded cans and bottles that surrounded the group, it was safe to assume that the group was a mixture of drunk and very tipsy teenagers. 

The small crowd would probably be too drunk to really care about the two gatecrashers but the thought of getting caught was enough to discourage Zazzalil.

'Yep this was a bad idea, I'm going home...' 

Zazzalil quickly turned and went to walk away from the house but a death-like grip on her arm pulled her back roughly. 

'No you're not.' Keeri said smirking, her grip on Zazzalil's arm not loosening. 

'Look there's lots of people at this party so we'll just have to blend in. It's not like we'll stand out much.' Keeri reasoned. 

Zazzalil gave her an unconvinced look before considering Keeri's argument. 

On one hand, they may get caught sneaking in and have to deal with the embarrassment of being known as gatecrashers. 

But on the other hand...

Free booze.

With the argument in her mind settled, Zazzalil gave a nod of agreement before walking as confidently as possible towards the house, Keeri in tow beside her. 

As the pair approached the stone steps that led into the house, Zazzalil's heart began to thump out of her chest. 

Whilst she was never one to admit feeling nervous about something, Zazzalil was in reality a rather anxious person. 

Nevertheless, the duo continued walking towards the house and soon found themselves face-to-face with the group of teenagers. 

_Please don't say anything. Please._

The group's conversation quietened as they eyed up the newcomers.

Zazzalil was certain that they would be stopped before they had even gotten inside when one member of the group, a short girl with square glasses, smiled brightly before throwing her arms around the pair. 

'Hey guys!' I'm so glad you two showed up, I didn't even know you were coming!' The girl said loudly, her breath smelling strongly of alcohol.

'Uh... yeah it was a last minute thing.' Zazzalil said, sounding rather confused as the girl pulled away from them. 

'Well you probably deserve it after that assignment Professor Hidgens handed out yesterday. It's gonna take forever to complete.' 

Professor Hidgens?

_The biology teacher? What does he have to do with-_

And that's when the penny dropped.

_Oh my god. She's in my biology class. I really need to pay more attention to the people in my lessons!_

__

__

_And I should probably find out what this assigment is too but more importantly will she go and tell Jemilla that I'm here?_

'Yeah that assignment is pretty... brutal, I guess.' Zazzalil said, trying her best to sound confident. 

The girl let out an exasperated sigh in agreement, 'Yeah it is. Anyway you should probably get a drink before it's all gone. I highly recommend whatever this is...' She said, shaking her cup filled with some neon blue alcohol that was probably as sickly as it looked. 

'Thanks for the advice.' Zazzalil said smiling uncertainly. 

'No problem, they no call me Emberly the Con- Connos- Connoisseur for nothing.'

_Emberly?_

__

__

_Oh right! She sits a couple rows in front of me by that guy with a manbun._

Now that she knew who the girl was, Zazzalil quickly came to the realisation that the guy Emberly sits by in class is part of the group in front of her as well. 

And from the look of adoration he was giving the drunk girl as he hung onto every word she spoke, Zazzalil concluded that the pair were probably dating. 

'So uh, I should probably go and tell Jemilla that you're here, she'll be thrilled-'

At the mention of Jemilla's name, Zazzalil tensed. 

Zazzalil couldn't seem to find the right words to say, but luckily Keeri stepped in for her, 'Don't worry about it Em. We'll tell Jemilla ourselves, won't we?' 

Keeri then gave a pointed look at Zazzalil who, after a moment, seemed to take the hint and nodded slowly. 

'Cool. See you around then.' Emberly said, with a smile as she turned to go and talk to her boyfriend. 

The pair acknowledged the group one more time before they opened the large, wooden door and walked in. 

_Phew!_

The pair had finally gotten past the first hurdle of the night. But now they were faced with their next challenge as they entered the house: having a good time without getting kicked out. 

Keeri had been a social butterfly since birth, so she found herself at ease when face-to-face with the deafening music, drunk teenagers and the flailing movements that was so-called dancing. 

Zazzalil on the other hand was more of a wallflower. An observer rather than a doer. At least when it came to social situations like these she was anyway, when she played with her band on-stage however, it was another story as she flourished in the limelight. 

'I think I see the drinks table. I'll go grab us something.' Keeri shouted loudly as she pointed to the kitchen. 

Before Zazzalil got the chance to tell her it was a bad idea to split up, the girl had already gone, 'Wait, Keeri!' Zazzalil yelled, to no avail as Keeri was out of earshot. 

Now that she was alone, Zazzalil took a moment to take in her surroundings. 

The pounding music made it a little hard to concentrate as she could feel the beat vibrating through her entire body. 

After a couple of moments though, Zazzalil adjusted to the sensation and found it easier to think. 

From what she could see, there were 30 plus people at this party and majority of them seemed to congregate in the kitchen where Keeri was headed. Raucous laughter also spilled out from the kitchen as well as the occasional cheer, so it didn't take long for Zazzalil to realise they were playing beer pong there. 

A game which Zazzalil vowed she would never play. 

Consuming lots of alcohol at once for stupid game that didn't have a real purpose, seemed pointless to Zazzalil. But then again, she had never been asked to play so perhaps it wasn't that bad. 

At least that's what she thought until a gap emerge through the crowd and she could clearly see Keeri joining in on a new game. 

And just like that, she had been ditched.

She couldn't blame Keeri for wanting to play though, as she knew how much the girl enjoyed competitions and winning, a trait she'd picked up over the years from being a regional champion dancer with a pushy, overbearing dance mom. 

Knowing that it would look weird to leave so soon after arriving, Zazzalil looked around for the best place to hide out for a while. 

Downstairs appeared too crowded and the thought of interacting with that many people felt overwhelming, so Zazzalil took her chances by heading upstairs. 

There were still some people upstairs, some were queuing to use the bathroom but it was mainly couples who wanted to make out and friends who just wanted somewhere quieter to talk. 

Zazzalil headed towards one of the many side rooms and pushed the door open, hesitating as she didn't want to be 'interupting' anybody, as even the thought of something like that happening made her go red with embarrassment. 

Luckily for Zazzalil it seemed that the room was empty so she quickly ducked into the room, the music from downstairs becoming muffled as the door shut tightly behind her. 

Now that she had a moment to herself, Zazzalil leaned against the wooden door, closing her eyes before taking a deep breath in an attempt to compose herself.

As she slowly opened her eyes, she began to take in her surroundings. 

She was clearly in somebody's bedroom. A girl's room she presumed from the pastel colour scheme and the blue fairy lights that bathed the room in a cool glow. 

Pushing off the door, Zazzalil took the opportunity to explore the room further. 

She slowly crossed the room, walking across the fluffy, white rug that lay on the floor and coming to a desk that had a small bookshelf above it. 

As Zazzalil read each book title, she realised that whoever had this room was clearly passionate about literary as the shelf contained classics works from writers such as Steinbeck, Austen and Tolkien. 

Despite her laidback and carefree attitude to most of her studies, one thing that Zazzalil actually did enjoy was her English classes. She would never admit to enjoying reading though as she feared being ridiculed for it by her friends. 

As Zazzalil continued to browse the boomshelf she came across a book that caught her eye: it was a book that appeared well-worn and a little battered from being reread, clearly. 

Zazzalil couldn't quite make out the title however, so she found herself reaching up to grab it when she suddenly felt a sharp pain shooting up her foot. 

'Shit!' Zazzalil exclaimed as she looked down to see she had knocked her foot into the edge of the table, causing it to shake. 

A loud rolling sound could then be heard, causing Zazzalil to look back at the shelf to see that a snowglobe had started to roll towards the edge of the shelf. 

Zazzalil's eyes widened as she realised what she had done and she moved swiftly in an attempt to save the ornament. 

But unfortunately for Zazzalil, she caught her foot once more and found herself lying in a heap on the floor as the sound of glass shattering rang out. 

From her spot on the floor, Zazzalil glanced up and saw the glass shards that had scattered across the floor and a puddle where the water had spilled out. 

_Oh no. Oh no. This is bad. What the fuck do I do?_

Before Zazzalil got the chance to figure that out, the room was bathed in light and music rang out once again as the door suddenly swung open. 

Zazzalil squinted at the sudden brightness as she tried to make out who had walked in. 

When she finally figured it out though, Zazzalil felt her stomach drop.

_Why did it have to be her?_

'So are you gonna tell me what the hell you're doing in my room?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated :)


	2. The Wrong Impression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zazzalil and Jemilla argue which leads to Zazzalil storming off but that's when things go wrong...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Panic attack is in this chapter, just as a heads up. 
> 
> Anyway hope y'all enjoy :)

'Well? Why are you here?' Jemilla demanded, crossing her arms as she peered down at Zazzalil. 

Her gaze soon moved to the puddle and glass that lay on the floor and she quickly put the pieces of the puzzle together. 

'Did you break in here just to trash my stuff?' Jemilla said bitterly. 

Zazzalil quickly jumped up from her position on the floor, mentally prepared herself for the embarressment of being kicked out. 

'It was an accident I swear. I didn't mean to break it.' Zazzalil tried to explain. 

'That still doesn't explain why you are in my room. Or why you're even at this party.'

Zazzalil decided to just come clean about the whole sitaution as she doubted that it could get any worse.

'Look it wasn't my idea to come, I don't even like parties but my friend convinced me to come anyway. But she left me right away so I came here to get away from everyone.'

Jemilla scoffed at that, 'So just because your friend wanted to come, that meant you were willing to trespass and then break my stuff? God Zazzalil, that's the most irresponsible thing I've ever heard.'

'Hey, in my defense the whole snowglobe thing was a complete accident.' Zazzalil defended, her voice raising slightly.  

'I bet it was. You probably did it on purpose.' Jemilla snapped. 

'Look I'm sorry about the snowglobe but you don't have to be such a bitch about it.'

Zazzalil couldn't believe what she had said, and from the look on Jemilla's face neither could she. 

'Get out.' Jemilla said, pointing towards the staircase.

Zazzalil stormed out of the room, her shoulder knocking into Jemilla's slightly.

As she marched down the stairs, Zazzalil could hear loud footsteps following closely behind her. 

'You don't have to escort me out, you know? I can leave by myself.' Zazzalil yelled over the music. 

As she walked into the crowd of partygoers however, Zazzalil's anger subsided quickly as she felt her anxiety levels rising instead. 

Zazzalil tried to push through the crowd of people but there were just too many and she felt her strength leaving her as the feeling of claustrophobia set in. 

Zazzalil's eyes moved wildly as her vision started to darkened and her breath grew shorter as she looked for a way out, but everywhere she looked there were just people. 

Zazzalil closed her eyes tightly in an attempt to stop the room from spining and she felt a hand gripping her arm. 

She could have sworn she heard somebody shouting her name but all that Zazzalil could focus on was the overwhelming feeling of anxiety that took control of her mind. 

The hand on her arm began to tug at Zazzalil and normally she would have shrugged it off but Zazzalil just couldn't find the strength to do that, so she gave in and let herself be dragged as she wasn't strong enough to pull away. 

Once the hand on her arm had stopped pulling, she realised that the music had become muffled again and noticed that she was now sitting down on a soft chair. 

'Zazzalil? Are you alright?' A voice asked. 

Zazzalil opened her mouth to respond but found that no words came out. So instead she just shook her head. 

'Okay. I think you're having a panic attack so I just want you to listen for a moment?'

Zazzalil nodded shakily. 

'I want you to tell me about some of the things you can hear happening right now, can you focus on them for me?'

Zazzalil nodded once more as she tried to concentrate. 

'I can hear... people. Loud music.' Zazzalil's breathing quickened as she began thinking about the crowd again. 

'Okay maybe don't listen to them then. Just listen to me.' The voice said, this time Zazzalil felt a hand holding hers and giving it a gentle squeeze. 

'So this morning I went to the park with my brother and his friend, and we went to see the ducks that live in the pond. I know we're probably too old to do that but I don't mind because...'

The soothing voice helped Zazzalil to drown out the loud music and forced her to focus on the story that was being told. 

After a couple of minutes Zazzalil could feel her breathing returning to normal and her body becoming less tense. 

Zazzalil slowly opened her eyes and realised that the soothing voice had actually been Jemilla, who was crouching down in front of Zazzalil. 

Zazzalil looked around the room and concluded that she had gone down into the basement and was sitting on a comfy chair. 

_How did I not notice going down stairs?_

Once she realised that Zazzalil had opened her eyes Jemilla stopping talking and gave a soft smile, squeezing her hand once again, still not letting go. 

'You alright?' Jemilla asked, sounding genuinely concerned. 

'Yeah thanks for helping me, you didn't have to do that.'

'Yeah I did. You told me you didn't like parties and then I shouted at you and kinda forced you into a crowd. That was a dick move so I'm sorry.' Jemilla said, feeling guilty. 

'It's cool. I shouldn't have even been here in the first place. I bet you hate me even more now.'

'Wait, you think I hate you?' Jemilla asked, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

'Well yeah. Whenever we speak we end up arguing so I kinda assumed that you didn't like me.'

'I don't hate you Zazz.'

Zazzalil raised an eyebrow at the use of a nickname but stayed quiet about it. 

'It's kinda the opposite actually.'

_Wait. Does she actually like me?_

'I'm just really bad at talking to people I like and somehow I always turned it into an argument.'

'So you like me?' Zazzalil asked. 

'Uh...yeah.' 

Zazzalil thought for a moment and considered all of the things that made Jemilla a nice person. She was smart, funny and beautiful so Zazzalil took a chance. 

'I'm into it.' Zazzalil said smiling widely. 

A smile appeared on Jemilla's face as she let out a sigh of relief. 

It was only at this moment that the pair realised that in all the panic from earlier, that their faces were closer than they'd ever been before. 

Zazzalil looked down at Jemilla's lips which didn't go unnoticed as Jemilla took the hint and started to lean in towards Zazzalil. 

Zazzalil met Jemilla's lips halfway as the pair shared their first kiss. 

It wasn't as rough as Jemilla expected from the shorter girl, and she was pleasantly surprised by the gentleness from Zazzalil, especially when she felt a hand moving to cup her face. 

The gentleness soon grew more passionate however as Zazzalil moved a hand to Jemilla's waist and pulled her up to straddle her lap causing Jemilla to smile into the kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated:)


End file.
